Dating apps are a dumpster fire for everyone. But if you’re cis (that’s non-trans folks) and trying to date a trans person… you probably step in it more often than you think. Not because you’re evil. You just dont know what you dont know.
Contents
Mistake #1: Treating People Like a Category on a Hub
Here is the biggest gripe… people acting like chasers. You know the type. They treat trans people like a fetish dispenser instead of a human being. If you are matching just to tick a box or try something “exotic”… stop. It’s gross. Nobody wants to be your experiment.
You should check yourself. Are you looking for a person or just a body part? If your opening line is “hey sexy” and you haven’t read a single word of their bio… that’s a red flag. Talk about their interests. Do they like sci-fi? Are they into hiking? Chat about that.
Also… stop with the weird compliments. “Wow you look just like a real woman” is not nice. It implies they aren’t real. Which is insulting. Or “I couldn’t even tell”. Congrats. Do you want a medal? Just say they have cool style or nice eyes.
And seriously… when you are scrolling and looking for shemales near me… remember there is a human on the other side of that screen. Not a menu item. Treat them like one.
Mistake #2: Asking for a Medical History Report
Okay, this one is huge. Do not ask about “the surgery” in the first five minutes. Or the first day. Honestly… why do you need to know? You wouldn’t walk up to a random stranger at a bar and ask about their vasectomy or colonoscopy… right? So why is it okay here? It isn’t.
Sure… intimate stuff matters if things get spicy later. But you need to earn that trust first. Asking for “before” photos or surgery status immediately is just invasive. It screams that you only care about biology… not the person.
Everyone has their own path when it comes to figuring out who they really are and feeling comfortable in their skin. It is personal stuff. If you are chill and understanding… they might tell you when they are ready. If you demand it like a cop… you getting blocked. Simple as that.
Mistake #3: Messing Up Words and Making It About You
Pronouns matter. If you look at a photo and assume you know what to call someone… you might be wrong. And then it gets awkward. Check the bio! Most people list them. If it’s not there… just ask. “Hey, what pronouns do u use?” is totally fine.
But here is where beginners really mess up. They slip up… say “he” instead of “she”… and then they panic. They start apologizing for ten minutes. “Oh god, I am so sorry… I support you so much… I am just tired… please forgive me…”
Stop. Seriously.
When you do that… you force them to comfort you. Now they have to say “it’s okay” to make you feel better. That’s exhausting. If you mess up… just say “sorry, she” and keep talking. Fix it and move on.
And dont expect your date to be your teacher. If you dont know what “cis” or “non-binary” means… go Google it. There are plenty of resources for getting the basics right without making your date do the work.
Mistake #4: Ignoring the Real World Risks
Online is one thing… meeting up is another. Trans folks deal with safety issues, cis people dont even think about. Harassment is real.
So… if you go out… dont “out” them to the waiter or your friends without asking. It can be dangerous. Keep your voice down if you are talking about trans stuff in a coffee shop. You might think you are being supportive… but you might be putting a target on their back.
And if they want to meet in a super public place or video call first… say yes. Immediately. Dont get offended like “oh you dont trust me?”. It’s not about you. It’s about staying safe in a world that is becoming more dangerous for LGBTQA+ people. Show you get it. That makes you look like a keeper.
Conclusion
Look…. You dont need to walk on eggshells. Just be decent. Listen more than you talk. Dont be a creep. Treat a trans person with the same respect you would give anyone else you want to date. If you can do that… you are already doing better than half the people on these apps.
